Nervous Shakti शक्ति

Sketch for "Pharaoh's Dance" (1977)
in 2 parts...

Some Background History:

My New Year's resolution for 1983-84 was to do paintings of some of the sketches I had drawn over the years. I had been thinking about it for many moons - then a very negative incident finally compelled me to move forward with the project...

Friday December 23, 1983 near midnight:

Walking home 7 miles in 5 inches of snow after a 10 hour shift at the restaurant, I saw her car parked on the street... I opened the front door of the house - kicked off my boots - opened the fridge got a beer and walked into the bedroom only to find my then girlfriend in my bed with another guy. She was supposed to have picked me up from work. I couldn't reach her on the phone, and I was worried that something had happened. Well, indeed that was confirmed... although it was not what I had expected.

I didn't say a word. I closed the door, finished my beer in one huge gulp - put my boots back on, amidst the din of their voices and walked another shivering mile downtown to Sherman Avenue and my best friend's house where I proceeded to break down uncontrollably. He tried with little success to console me. I sat outside in the snow for what seemed to be hours. I just didn't care. He finally convinced me to come in for Hot Chocolate and a 'nipper' of Christian Brothers.

It was now Saturday December 24, 1983 - Christmas Eve...

I went back to my house later that day and collected my clothing and art supplies (above sketch was among them) and I vowed to do paintings of all the sketches I had earmarked. This was now my New Year's Resolution for 1984. Making positives from the negative.

Alfons told me I could stay as long as I liked. His room mate was moving out at the start of the new year - and since the 'Snow Queen' was already staying with her new boyfriend - the space was mine - no worries about the rent, we'd figure that all out later.


- from 2 minute class sketches

Having lived across the hall from me in the dorm years back - and later in my apartment (1972 - 74) he was used to my artsy disarray, so I was free to set up camp. He would frequently model that sexy swimmer/dancer body of his for me. Whenever there was an art class I could catch with him as the model, I was there. I even slept in his bed with him then and many times throughout the years. We had a long history together as best friends in college, and now that I had recently moved back to the area, it was like there was never the space in time that passed us by. New Haven would Rock once again for us.

We were always very close in spirit and had done almost everything together - eat, sleep, shower, play, dance - you name it - but never sex with each other. We had watched as one or both of us performed, but I think we were too afraid to fuck up that awesome friendship we had going. If two people could ever have been more platonic, I should like to see that example. Alfons had a copy of Rudyard Kipling's "The Thousandth Man" scribed up by hand for me as a Christmas Present in 1974. I have never received a present that meant more than that one...

Years later I would find out that he would have loved me as much as I loved him - if we had pursued that course - in every way... of course by then it was too late. Funny how that goes. Timing was never right. I never knew he took an older married fellow as his lover back in the day - we were sophomores, when he was staying with me at my apartment on Whalley Avenue - and I always had a girlfriend it seemed. Ahh... the 'hipness' of being Hippies - Sex Drugs and Rock & Roll Soul. At any rate, we had many a grand adventure throughout our blessed years together, and we were always there for each other even across all the miles that tried to sunder like-minded souls.

The Painting: "Pharaoh's Dance" (1984)
[acrylic on canvas]



This 'holiday occasion' as we referred to it, would be the second time in our 25 year history that he would save my life, the first being another story... His last words ever to me were,
"See You In the Sunset, Bro."


- from 2 minute class sketches

When he left this Earth 10 years later - a victim of the cursed AIDS plague, it seemed that the Sun & Moon darkened somehow for me, hiding the beauty and colors - I wouldn't pick up a paintbrush for years afterward.

Then I saw Him one night Dancing in the Stars. I remembered his last words to me. The next day I stroked the canvas with colors again in his honor...

I'll always Love You, Fonso.
Forever.