Gloaming Time

He reminds me of a beautiful wild animal that's been wounded - yet he lets me touch and soothe him - it tingles... for some reason he reads my intent as true - it is. He knows my compassion is real... His spirit healing deliberately.

He knows I'd never hurt or treat him badly - like the others. I read the contemplation in his eyes... The trust grows slowly, substantially.

Everywhere I go - he wants to be. He always wants me near. I love that he feels the need to be close, the energy surrounding us is like almost fulfilling a prophecy and I want him so badly it aches - but still I hesitate at making the move. I need it to come from him...

Saturday Night Was Allright

It snowed...

I stayed on the mountain last night - slept in the big bed alone.

3:30 AM Thomas calls and wakes me to tell me how excited he is, as the date draws near for him to bring his new love here from Africa... I'm happy for him - wishing it all turns out like a romantic fairy tale.

I hate to cut the conversation short as I tell him I must be at work at 8:00 AM - and we talk for 45 minutes more...

Journey blasts from the boom box as I cook omelettes & home fries - then JR calls, and the world almost seems right once again...

...but not for long.

Morning Ecstasy

Why can't things ever be simple?

Falling in love can be classed among these "things" that never are simple. A simple thing is the first brushstroke to the canvas - then it becomes complex...

After that initial brushstroke - that's when the form & color explode.

...and as compared to life, the intricacies erupt - in vivid flowing connected timelines - beating a path towards the ultimate finale.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, "Art is never finished, only abandoned." Now it seems I know what he means - and so it is with Life & Love.

Please, clue me in...

I saw Fucker for Thanksgiving. He invited me to his house for the feast with his family. It was a great time, and I thank him from the bottom of my heart. We've remained close friends through all this. He knows my story - without the latest twisting developments.

Last night was the topper...

Now it's time to follow my Heart.

The Power Of Love Is Infinite

...at least that's what the tea leaves read.
...and yes, I'm still working on it - it's always a work in progress.

An hour and a half massage to a twisted nerve in the neck and shoulder can reveal a few things about someone's desires - and what a hunky bantam bastard he is! He does remind me of a rooster - all puffed up and tuff like he tries to come off - but with me - he shows his tender side. I stroke his long gorgeous hair to the front of his furry chest and explore his muscular and compact shoulders, rubbing that spot that makes him groan with relief in that gruff-sexy voice. The whole damn ritual of it turns me on wildly as I cajole my throbber on his back ever so lightly - and he likes it as much as I do... It just seems that I always get myself into these situations, and I don't know how or why that happens.

I often wonder why these guys like me - enough to trust me with their true feelings. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining - I quite enjoy every second of this sport. "Straight" tough guys, questioning their views on sex with another guy - it can be very rewarding or even dangerous - and I'm still hoping that it will be the former for us.

He's the great outdoorsy type. He wants me to go camping with him. I half-joke and say we'll only need one sleeping bag because it's so cold. He nods in agreement...

I know I could take him to all those wonderful places that he's never been before - if he'd only let me.

Trust is earned...
Time will tell - I'm a patient man.

"Wherever Love is, I want to be.
I will follow it as surely as
the land-locked salmon finds the sea."

Singled Out

I still can feel it - after a year.
That passion - the ecstasy - and yes, the pain that comes along after the fast and furious ride. Longing to be in your arms again. Holding you tight.

I will always love you. Nothing reserved from this side.
Full out and blazing hot - the way it should be.

It would be amazing to see you again.
Bring me back to life Fucker...
I pray that one day it can be... Perhaps tonight.

Until then I'll be "The Actor".

Con todo mi cariño.

Where's The Answer?

We still have this part to play
It seems like nothing's new,
But things are fresh in next day's dawn
All's different in morning dew.

Dark in the Light - logically mad
With chaotic order and success
Putting one foot forward then another
Never knowing Time arrives

'Til aproach upon the whim of it.
Often on again - then a pause
To smell a rose or graveyard must
Opting out, the choice not ours.

So hold them dear - until it's clear
No longer near - we feel the fear
Of onliness and loneliness
They are no longer here.

Jimi: Still Releasing... after all these years

The recently discovered Jimi Hendrix XXX tape is finally ready to legally hit the streets.

Execs at porno distrib Vivid Video say the Purple Haze icon's estate has failed to prove the film is a phony.

Vivid offered a $100,000 offer to Jimi's estate, Experience Hendrix LLC, if they could prove within sixty days that the archival sex tape was fake.

"We always knew it was real," Vivid's Steven Hirsch told The New York Daily News.

The film graphically depicts Jimi gettin' down and dirty with recognizable super-groupies Pamela Des Barres and Cynthia Albritton.

Albritton, who had made a plaster casts of Jimi's phallus - as well as other famed rockers 'thangs'- attested to the footage's authenticity.

Oddly enough, Albritton is also getting a cut of the royalties from the DVD despite the fact she doesn't remember experiencing it.

Must have been the mind blowing milieu of the 1960s counter culture drug scene.

Silence Is Golden... Sometimes

It's awfully quiet around these parts lately...

The old man's off to Philadelphia, left yesterday for a go-round of Jury Duty in the Federal Court. Sounds important, doesn't it? I've been getting updates all day. They haven't gotten to him yet. Maybe another overnight in the City of Brotherly Love for him. We only live about 80 miles away from Philadelphia... WTF? I hope they're paying for the gas - and not the usual 8¢ a damn mile.

I know, I know - you're supposed to do your duty in a democratic society... but damn that's a bit far to travel. Last time I was up for Jury Duty - I said it would be financially impossible for me to serve - because it would have been. If I was chosen and had to stay for a case, I probably wouldn't have had a job when I returned to work. I know they aren't allowed to do that - but this is the restaurant business we're talking about here. Lots of shady things go on in the restaurant...

I'm blasting the stereo right now. Mott The Hoople is kranking... Yes, Silence Is Golden - except when it's lonely...

Joe Says: "awwwww..."

Nabbed From Joe

• Ellen Challenges John McCain on the Right to Marry for Everyone

Sorrow Brought Sunshine Today...

I got up in my usual grumpy mood... and then the coffee... That always makes me feel better. Went out to the garden to sow a few plants in the dappled morning sun...

Came back in to check the PC, and lo and behold - one of my favorite bloggers is shutting down his site today. Mockingbird's Medley is ending it's sweet song after 4 years of highly intelligent and acutely relevant political musing - which is a sad note to this rainbow soldier... Jim's always been a friend when I was down, and I suppose we'll still debate even after this; but losing a fellow site is always a sad story. I know nothing lasts forever and all that, but... still.

I went out to my mailbox, and there it was. A little square package of Sunshine from Virginia... I opened the parcel with glee. inside was this small note:

Jimi my friend
I had a little bird tell me you needed some joy today, so I am sending along a care package.
Full of care..
~laugh~
some food for the body, I can never get enough ginger...
some tea for the spirit and some tunes for the soul.
The pottery is experiments, learning curves I don't feel are there yet, but still have my heart in them, so I can't sell them, but I can give them with love...
to you...
Be peace my friend
and know even the smallest act of kindness spirals outward into the world.
I have been blessed by the rainbow of your life
blessings in abundance
Sister Sorrow

...After I dried the tears, the first thing I did was open the ginger ~lips smacking~ and have some - thinking of my Sister, and what an awesome person she is - and how blessed I am to have found someone like her out here in this ridiculously hard-assed world.

The tea is awesome. I love "Sorrow's Red Mix"... I wish I knew how to read tea leaves - but all I know is that they were dancing the happy dance to the CD she made me. Awesome music, and I'll play a few this Friday on the air.

The mug and candle are on the shelf right now, until later this afternoon when I will put them to good use with another mug o'Sorrow's Red Mix and a blessing.

You've given this old curmudgeonly hippy a real reason for joy. I can't express the way I feel in words. Rekindling faith in human kindness is an invaluable solemnity. Thank you is never enough. I was before, but I really am a believer in Karma now.

Peace Love & Light,
ॐ Jimi The Hippie ॐ

Lilacs and Loving Memories

They bloom for about 2 - 3 weeks every year. In that time, their scent permeates the air with a delicious aroma.

They do bring with their beauty, a barrage of memories - my Grandmother's favorite flower, and also a security of sorts - hiding in the bushes from the bullies of youth - a memory shared with a Kindred Spirit.

When I was a youngster, we had a huge lilac bush in our yard - next to the Catholic Church on my block, so I was always in charge of bringing the flowers for Mary "Queen of May". I did so with glee... I loved their magic scent which only came at a certain time of the year. I'd bring in bunches of them and Stella D'Oro would cut them to size and put them in vases in the church. These are probably my only favorable memories of the Catholic Church, besides the Nun I'd had as a teacher in first & second grade - who'd gotten a bit too friendly with my Mother and was inevitably sent away... They'd gotten too close at a Birchwood Acres Clambake, and decided to kick up their heels to a gitterbug - and I suppose they had "too much fun". Predictably, the Bishop heard about it - no doubt from the local "Gladys Kravitz" - and they decided to send Sister Benilda away from the parish. "The Children's Hour" was hot off the Hollywood film express then, and I guess spurious rumors will always fly off the cuff in a small community...

My friend has some similar memories about hiding in lilac bushes as a child, and I sent some flowers to him in the mail. Unfortunately, the post office had other thoughts about what was inside the box...

Oh well. At least he got to smell the magic.

Sufi Thoughts:
"Live from your heart, you will be absolutely effective."

Triad

(Jefferson Airplane Version)
(CSN & Y Version)
Lyrics by David Crosby

...

You want to know how it will be

Me and him / her or you and me

You both sit there with your long hair flowing
Your eyes alive, your minds are still growing
Saying to me what can we do now that we
Both love you -- I love you too
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three

You are afraid, embarrased too, no one has ever (in your sweet short life child)
Said such a thing to you
Your mother's ghost stands at you shoulder
Got a face like ice -- just a little colder
Saying you can not do that it breaks all the rules
You learned in school
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as mmm three

You know we love each other it's plain to see
There's just one answer comes to me
Sister lovers -- (some of you must know about)
water brothers
And in time maybe others
So you see what we can do
Is to try something new - that is if you're crazy too
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three
...

Joyous Bealtaine

May day! Delightful day!

Bright colours play the vale along.
Now wakes at morning's slender ray
Wild and gay the blackbird's song.

Now comes the bird of dusty hue,
The loud cuckoo, the summer-lover;
Branchy trees are thick with leaves;
The bitter, evil time is over…

Loaded bees with puny power
Goodly flower-harvest win;
Cattle roam with muddy flanks;
Busy ants go out and in.

Through the wild harp of the wood
Making music roars the gale --
Now it settles without motion,
On the ocean sleeps the sail.

Men grow mighty in the May,
Proud and gay the maidens grow;
Fair is every wooded heights;
Fair and bright the plain below…

Loudly carols the lark on high,
Small and shy his tireless lay,
Singing in wildest, merriest mood,
Delicate-hued, delightful May.
Irish 9th century

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Me...

Right...

What does it tell you when your partner forgets your Birthday, and your ex-wife calls to wish you a happy one? Well, I guess it tells me that I should be off to see the Wizard. Follow the Yellow Brick Road, fool.

Why even the local radio station sent me an e-mail to wish me a happy birthday - wait, now I just got one from KFOG in San Francisco... Shit, they even got Chris Isaak to sing to me... damn. Thanks ladies & guys...

What song is on the radio?
"I Can See Clearly Now" - Jimmy Cliff ...thanks again KFOG.
I love that station.

I'm not going to feel down about it, after all he never mentioned our anniversary either - so I guess I can take a hint. It's been almost 9 years now that we've been together - I guess there really is something to be said about "The Seven Year Itch". I'll be burning a candle to help me see the pathway.

Here's a little tercet I've written
Just to commemorate this occasion:

At the end, there is always a new beginning...
Head held high and shoulders back
I'm off and on - no beaten track... Often...

Now, where the hell are those Poppies?

इम्पोस्सिब्ली Impossibly त्रिंगुलातेद Triangulated तवो त्रिनितिएस

.................................................

Can't Give Everything

.................................................

Now that April Fools Day is over, I guess it's safe to post again. I've probably played the fool too long now. It's time to wake up and Live.

Nobody really gives a shit anyway.
I should just go off somewhere and be a fucking hermit. It's funny - Lily asked, "What just happened behind your eyes? Your mood is changing and I don't know why." - just as I wrote that last line before the quotes.

If only she knew. I'm sure she does. She wrote the words & music.

Music always brings me back. Soothing Savages.
If only... ahhh, too late.

Bringing me back to what? ...Somehow this time it's different. There's nothing left to come back to. That's my fault.
I'll blame it all on me - there's no one else here.

.................................................

Thanks for being there - somewhere

I thought I'd go mad - not having seen or heard. Feeling so helpless - thought you were lost to me. Que sera they say. They don't know you.

Then that voice on the other end of the phone in dulcet tones, calming my spirit like it always does. The electrons keeping me warm inside from the cold bitterness that once was passion - long ago. Still living with it - it seems like lifetimes away.

I'd almost forgotten all that - until you - one can grow used to the coldness without knowing. I'm absolutely mad for you - you have to know. How could you not? I know you feel it. Sure, I'll play it down on the outside - but it's raging in here. Torrid sun-surface melting.

All I think and feel hangs in the distance - balanced on a beam of light. It might as well be light years... hurry up and wait. Soon...

Open Your Mind

Can you see through the veil of perceived moralities?

What is the truth for you?
Believing things just because your society says they're right, is not always the truth. I know - I've had my eyes opened many times recently to what is and what should never be. Then there is always what should be and is not.

I've always believed that if you love someone - really love them - that is enough. This may not be the case for everyone. Is it possible to love more than one person at a time? I believe so. We may not necessarily be exclusively singularly attachable...

I may be the odd man out on this but, I know I have so much to give - and if the "one" I chose doesn't want it... well... I've been searching all my life. Guess it never really ends until it does.

Possibilities are open. Every person is not cut from the same mold. You may not have the right to judge another about how they want to live their lives... No harm done, but being truthful about it can bring consequences you were not willing to gamble on. Err on the side of caution, Human.

"Understanding is a virtue - hard to come by.
You can teach me how to Love if you only try.
So please - Don't give up so soon..."

Obama - Vision

Lots more at the HVW8 site. Make sure you visit.

Image by Dan Buller with help from Ty G.
Used with permission. Thanks Dan.




Free Download:
Original Mix by =Rainbow Demon= (9/2004)
"Submission Accomplished"
from "Dangerous Nonsense" - Space City Rock
18.59 MB | 15:11 minutes... .ogg vorbis (VBR)

Don't be shy - Let me know what you think of the mix.
Leave a comment...

OM For Sister Sorrow: मो ॐ

I have to say Thank You, and Thank You also to my Lovely Lady Patron Saint.
It means so much more than words could say.