Bear - Faced to Bare - Faced

He shaved his Grizzly Adams completely off... and it's a shock to see him baby-faced as compared to Bear-Faced.

Still as gorgeous as ever - I want him close - breathing on my neck.

Taking off back up the mountain before the storm - I wonder if I should have asked him along to spend the night...

Gloaming Time

He reminds me of a beautiful wild animal that's been wounded - yet he lets me touch and soothe him - it tingles... for some reason he reads my intent as true - it is. He knows my compassion is real... His spirit healing deliberately.

He knows I'd never hurt or treat him badly - like the others. I read the contemplation in his eyes... The trust grows slowly, substantially.

Everywhere I go - he wants to be. He always wants me near. I love that he feels the need to be close, the energy surrounding us is like almost fulfilling a prophecy and I want him so badly it aches - but still I hesitate at making the move. I need it to come from him...

2008 in Review...

Merry Christmas

Thanks Cosa.

Merry Christmas to all...

• A Hawaiian Christmas Carol

Fa-la-fucking-la-la-la-la-la...

Winter Solstice Today... [:::]

It doesn't feel much like the holidays for me this year. It hasn't for a few...

The lawyer appointment is set for tomorrow morning, and I've not been sleeping very well at all.

It's snowing like a bastard now - so no work today. Thank gawd I'm even alive - after that drunken ride on the icy roads last night. The mountain pass was just horrible. A few trees got a little too close to the old tank... Surprisingly we didn't end up in a fucking snow ditch or down an embankment. I should have just tackled him and taken the fucking keys. That Fucker.

I met a few good people at the watering hole anyway - we played baseball darts. It was a nice diversion while waiting for the D-Man to get back to the bar, so I could throw his drunken ass into the car and take the detour back to this place that I used to call home - or 'Hell Hole' as we now know it.

Not much to look forward to... but then again, what else is new?

Whirling Dervish Dreams

JR won't talk to me. Fine & Dandy.
He's pissed off because I can't see him tonight. I don't need any more drama in my life. There's too much happening all at once.

Just made an appointment with the lawyer for Dec 22 - just in time for the Holidaze - Bah-Humbug. The "X" will probably be pissed off at me also, as he wanted this settled by Friday. Too Bad. I refuse to be rushed into anything that may jeopardize my future without knowing all my rights.

They have been very abrasive towards me - removing internet access and many of my personal effects to gawd knows where - which they have no right to do.

I Will Not Play These Games...

Saturday Night Was Allright

It snowed...

I stayed on the mountain last night - slept in the big bed alone.

3:30 AM Thomas calls and wakes me to tell me how excited he is, as the date draws near for him to bring his new love here from Africa... I'm happy for him - wishing it all turns out like a romantic fairy tale.

I hate to cut the conversation short as I tell him I must be at work at 8:00 AM - and we talk for 45 minutes more...

Journey blasts from the boom box as I cook omelettes & home fries - then JR calls, and the world almost seems right once again...

...but not for long.

No Compass

Feeling lost, alone I try to find the path again - no markers to behold - nothing to connect with to find the way.

If only I had listened to her...
She said it would be difficult.
I agreed in theory, but let it slip past comprehension, thinking I could handle whatever life happened to throw my way.

Never expected the boomerang...

Morning Ecstasy

Why can't things ever be simple?

Falling in love can be classed among these "things" that never are simple. A simple thing is the first brushstroke to the canvas - then it becomes complex...

After that initial brushstroke - that's when the form & color explode.

...and as compared to life, the intricacies erupt - in vivid flowing connected timelines - beating a path towards the ultimate finale.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, "Art is never finished, only abandoned." Now it seems I know what he means - and so it is with Life & Love.

Please, clue me in...

I saw Fucker for Thanksgiving. He invited me to his house for the feast with his family. It was a great time, and I thank him from the bottom of my heart. We've remained close friends through all this. He knows my story - without the latest twisting developments.

Last night was the topper...

Now it's time to follow my Heart.

The Power Of Love Is Infinite

...at least that's what the tea leaves read.
...and yes, I'm still working on it - it's always a work in progress.

An hour and a half massage to a twisted nerve in the neck and shoulder can reveal a few things about someone's desires - and what a hunky bantam bastard he is! He does remind me of a rooster - all puffed up and tuff like he tries to come off - but with me - he shows his tender side. I stroke his long gorgeous hair to the front of his furry chest and explore his muscular and compact shoulders, rubbing that spot that makes him groan with relief in that gruff-sexy voice. The whole damn ritual of it turns me on wildly as I cajole my throbber on his back ever so lightly - and he likes it as much as I do... It just seems that I always get myself into these situations, and I don't know how or why that happens.

I often wonder why these guys like me - enough to trust me with their true feelings. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining - I quite enjoy every second of this sport. "Straight" tough guys, questioning their views on sex with another guy - it can be very rewarding or even dangerous - and I'm still hoping that it will be the former for us.

He's the great outdoorsy type. He wants me to go camping with him. I half-joke and say we'll only need one sleeping bag because it's so cold. He nods in agreement...

I know I could take him to all those wonderful places that he's never been before - if he'd only let me.

Trust is earned...
Time will tell - I'm a patient man.

"Wherever Love is, I want to be.
I will follow it as surely as
the land-locked salmon finds the sea."

Singled Out

I still can feel it - after a year.
That passion - the ecstasy - and yes, the pain that comes along after the fast and furious ride. Longing to be in your arms again. Holding you tight.

I will always love you. Nothing reserved from this side.
Full out and blazing hot - the way it should be.

It would be amazing to see you again.
Bring me back to life Fucker...
I pray that one day it can be... Perhaps tonight.

Until then I'll be "The Actor".

Con todo mi cariño.

Happy New Year - Atonement

Being of Celtic origin, this is the spiritual time of year for me - that time when I take a few moments to reflect and "regroup" my way of doing things or even how I think about things. It's usually an uplifting experience for me.



I hope everyone had a great Hallowe'en - I had a visit from a Benevolent Spirit yesterday, at a time when I was feeling lost and helpless... It was a moment of self-realization for me - and I thank the Spirits that watch out for me.



PEACE & LOVE

Hallowe'en Fun

Happy Hallowe'en

We Try

Bro-Spo's Hallowe'en Meme # 2...

JUST PLAYING ALONG... ;o)

Are you scared of bats?

I used to call them when I was a kid to scare the girls... I make a kind of high pitched whistle with my lips that they seem to want to investigate.

When you were a kid, did you go out on Mischief Night?

Yes, but we never lit a bag of shit on the porch and rang the doorbell...

We would go "tick-tacking" (throwing corn at people's windows).

What is your favorite trick-or-treat candy?

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Yes. Mischief ensued...

The most memorable costume you ever wore?

King Tut (1977) ...I won first prize at the disco for that one... I completely handmade the outfit myself... and the make-up was simply fabulous...

Do you carve a happy or a scary face on the pumpkin?

Scary, of course...

Will anyone wear a costume to work on October 31^st?

I'll be bringing mine along to change into at the appropriate time...

Any cooking or baking you do for Hallowe’en?

pumpkin cheesecake and butternut squash soup...

Have you ever been to The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland or

Disneyworld?

No. Haven't been there since 1985.

Any element of the season you don’t like?

People who want to change the "history" of the holiday...

What is your favorite scary movie?

I have to say there is a tie for that spot:

"Return of the Living Dead" for the kicks and music ...and
"Black Sabbath" (which scared the living daylights out of me when I was a youngster)...

Then of course there are all of those Vincent Price, Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi flicks... I still love them.

Do you cook the pumpkin seeds from your carved jack-o-lanterns?

I used to... maybe I will this year (if I get the time to carve one).

Are you intrigued with vampires?

Yes, absolutely. So sexy... Still into the Goth thing after all these years. I've still got a thing for Tim Curry in "Rocky Horror Picture Show".