Spontaneous Apple Creation 5 / 27 / 12... a great one.
Thanks for all the calls.

Now that I've dropped a full keg of PBR on my foot, I have time to type the playlist. Just call me Gimpy. Here goes...

Spontaneous Apple Creation - Arthur Brown
Yardbirds - Shapes Of Things
Jimi Hendrix - I Don't Live Today (Live)
The Doors - Unknown Soldier
Janis Joplin - To Love Somebody
Van Morrison - Streets Of Arklow
Traveling Wilburys - Tweeter & The Monkeyman
Bob Dylan - Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues
Joan Baez - Diamonds & Rust
Leonard Cohen - Darkness
Fotheringay - John The Gun
Fairport Convention - Matty Groves
Van Der Graaf Generator - Killer
The Groundhogs - Wages Of Peace
Edgar Broughton Band - Hurricane Man
Axe - Silent Soldiers
*David Crosby - Nighttime For The Generals (Live)
*Neil Young - Old Man
Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Powderfinger
Stephen Stills - Do For The Others
*Johnny Cash - Solitary Man
Bob Seger System - Ramblin' Gamblin' Man
Strawberry Alarm Clock - Incense & Peppermints
Blues Magoos - (We Ain't Got) Nothing Yet
Crow - Evil Woman
The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn!
Dead Boys - Shot Down In Flames
Sugarloaf - Don't Call Us
*Pearls Before Swine - I Saw The World
Eric Burdon & War - Pretty Colours
Burdon / Witherspoon - Laws Must Change
Free - Mr Big (Live)
Hot Tuna - Extrication Love Song
Jefferson Airplane - Feel So Good
Paul Kantner - Flowers Of The Night
Jerry Garcia - The Wheel
Bob Weir - Playing In The Band
April Wine - Slow Poke
Humble Pie - One-eyed Trouser Snake Rumba
Damnation Of Adam Blessing - NYC Woman
Head East - Fly By Night Lady
Horslips - Loneliness
Santana - Batuka / No One To Depend On

...There you have it Volume III for Summer 2012

* denotes request

Another SPAC Post

I'm afraid I won't be on the air over Xmas... WLVR 91.3
Still no mode of transportation for this old Hippie, so I can't get there...
Not to mention a permanent residence - so no Xmas tree this year either -sigh-
Chin Up - Better Luck Next Year (I Hope). Only about 3 weeks left in this stinking year - and I was just getting used to writing 2010 on the checks to the electric company...
AAAaaaaarrrrgggggghhhh!!!

Peace
P.S.
Maybe I should buy a camel instead of a car. Hmmmmm...

After The Binge...

Love lasts forever (so they say) - and trying to fit all you've got into a 3 day holiday with that someone special who's been away for a while can be somewhat exhausting...

We did a bit of drinking for his birthday.

The next day was spent cuddling.

The only quiet time we spent was for about 15 minutes when I was taking him back. I was driving - and I glanced over occasionally as he gazed out the window in silence. I finally smacked his leg and said "Shut - up! You're too fucking loud!" We both roared as we stopped for the last drink together. I looked in his baby blue eyes and tearily said "I'm missing you already."

He kissed me and went to stand in the doorway, watching as I pulled away.
I never wanted to go.

I'm counting the seconds till I see you again Little Brother...

Return of the Mountain Man

I know it's been a while, but I thought I might start up blogging again...
Last year after Google so thoughtfully decided to block my main blog, =CoffeeHouseStudio= without letting me access and fix whatever the hell problem they said there was so... I kinda lost heart for blogging.

You would think that they would put someone there to contact for help - but I guess they're too busy to help out with a "free blog"...

That was a few year's work they just decided to ditch and it was a real pain in the ass. I thought they were going after this one next - so I just stopped... Since that time, I found a few of the old archives here.

Things have changed quite a bit for me - not everything good - but I'm not gonna whine about it here. At least I still have a job and a roof over my head (for who knows how long).

Digger's gone out to the Southwest wilderness - and Moochie's run away, but I'm still here plugging away every day.

I need to get a hold of my old friends at the station to see if I can actually do a Summer Break Show. That always makes me feel like a bona fide human being again - so what the hell...

Love or a Genu-ine Facsimile Thereof

• 12:00 am Friday:

Why is it that we can't help ourselves when we fall in Love?
This old Heart always seems to pick the worst scenario.
...or maybe it's just me...

I'm just a hopeless romantic, I suppose.
Doomed to be forever brokenhearted.
Or maybe not...

• 1:00 pm Thursday:

I was pumping gas while D-Man went into the station to get smokes. Next thing I know, they have him cuffed while pulling up his shirt - and tearing his pants open, searching... "Kannst du mikke funge?" - my mouth was wide open in disbelief...

The K-9 'men' told me to go "Get Lost." they said - after running a check on my license. D-Man kissed me in front of them - while handcuffed - wild fucking look in his eyes and said he would call me. They shoved him in the car and wouldn't let me follow, so I ended up going to work.

I'm still waiting to hear from him - a nervous wreck... My heart's been beating miles a minute all day.

I'm just hoping that kiss wasn't a kiss goodbye...

• UPDATE:

1:07 am Saturday:

Got the word on my compadre earlier today. Seems there was a parole violation (in another county from 2005). He didn't show up for a court date in this county, so they're holding him over - Magistrate dropped the charges - but he still has to pay $1,000 or spend 45 days in the slammer, and then go to jail in the other county.

Does that make any sense at all?

I want him back here with me where he belongs...
...Calling a lawyer on Monday. Something seems a bit out of kilter.
B.A.S.T.A.R.D.S.

Another Day In The Life...

Finally heard from Fucker again. Man it was good to hear his voice. Haven't seen him since last Thanksgiving.

Then, one of the waitresses said that my tires looked funny. I went to check only to find that someone loosened the lug nuts on both of the front tires - coincidence??? Who'd do something like that?

Subsequently, I learned of two deaths... It's not been a great year so far. I'm kinda freakin'...

Drac and Blackula showed up at the club last night(perfect timing). I confronted Drac and asked him when it would be convenient for me to pick up the rest of my belongings from Castle Dracula, and he brushed me off by saying his father just died - call him next week. Can't help but wonder why they'd be out celebrating by singing karioke... Just blows my mind. I suppose everyone deals with their grief in different ways.

I went home to find Ms P (a long-time friend of D-Man) in my bed. (my bed happens to be the living room futon right now) She'd had a few too many white russians last evening, and she's gone to the races today. Hope she has a blast. She's a cool lady and deserves some happiness...

D-Man's up at his landscaping job. I hope he doesn't overdo it again like last weekend - lifting heavy equipment. He really scared me - all's well now though. (thank gawd) Old injuries sometimes never heal completely ...and sometimes new injuries will never heal. We try do our best to accomodate an aesthetic quality for mollifying the spirit - but sometimes the body resists.

"Rainy Day Money"...

I'm so glad I found the hundred dollar bill I stashed away in my wallet for a rainy day - or in this case - a rainy night.

Some of you know that I've been going through the process of "regrouping". The last time I was at Castle Dracula (about a month ago). I was removing some personal items from my bedroom, and I came upon a crisp, new $100. bill... hidden under my ashtray. I decided to hang onto it for a while...

Anyway, we had a little incident on the road last Tuesday night. The guardrail jumped out and shut off the fuel pump.(LOL) When we came back to the truck the next day, it was gone. The police had it towed as an abandoned vehicle. Luckily we found it at the local impound and quickly paid the $55 fee. The next thing I knew, the tire went flat on the other vehicle, so D-Man and I drove the truck to a used tire place where they had only one tire left - of the size I needed - price, $45... I snatched it right up. Thank gawd both vehicles are running just fine now - and thank gawd I put that money away for an emergency.

I'm so happy it's payday today because I'm flat broke now.

I Can't Drive 55

Almost snagged a 12-point buck on the trip back here last night... It was raining, and I saw 6 deer on my side of the road - so I slowed down (luckily). The damn thing ran right into my path from the other side of the highway. I slid across the road like I was on a sheet of ice - and continued homeward bound.

D-Man was home when I got there - all cleaned up and looking ready to go a few rounds - with chicken burritos in the oven for me. He's a sweet little fucker. Damn, I just wanted to grab a hold of him and lay a big wet one on him. I just gave him a big fat bear hug instead... Nobody's ever given enough of a shit about me to do that before. He made me feel like a million bucks (no pun intended).

Got up early today to go in and cook breakfast - because the other cook doesn't seem to know how to use the phone - I drove the 40 minutes down from the mountain, and lo and behold, he was just getting out of the car when I arrived - so I came back home.

D-Man's sleeping in the other room - I can hear his sexy measured breathing... I'm taking him back to the Doctor on Monday to get his throat examined thoroughly (we were in the emergency room last Tuesday night). Wish the best for him - he merits a good break for a change. My heart aches for him - all he ever seems to get is shit on, and he deserves so much better. His good health and happiness will be my only wish as I blow out my birthday candles. I probably don't have very many more left...

...but it's so good to have a home again, and I don't have to wish for that anymore.

A New Chapter Begins... Two Men & A Cat

Finally freed Mooch (my cat) from the clutches of Count Dracula & Count Chocula today. He's here with D-Man & me at the new place. I don't understand why they kept him, really - since they say they are both allergic to cats. It's just mind boggling to me. Holding a cat for ransom...

I still have the futon (which I'm sleeping on) and which they are trying to lay claim to. They have my bed, so... fair trade, as far as I'm concerned. The nerve of some people...

I must return to Castle Dracula one more time to get my upright bass, congas, paintings, art materials and some other personal items.

I wonder if they'll let me take my things - or if they'll say they belong to them.

Drac gave me a list of things that he wants returned - he says they are his, but he knows differently. He's turned into such a lying bastard lately. It's really sad to see what he's become. He called me "irresponsible" and "negligent" in his last phone message. Strangely, although it's not humorous in the least, I got a big laugh out of that. What a putz. At least I got my pussy...

Ode To The Teacher "The Biggest Violin"

I never realized the scope of your hatred - how much you despised me. I suppose the truth had to come out sometime. Although you tried your damnedest, emotions that intense can never be completely hidden.

But, what I will never understand is whatever the reason could have been. I should have remained just a trick to you. Some kind of "rough trade" for your carnal pleasure. Perhaps then, things could be different now.

But no - I had to become involved... I felt sorry for you - you seemed lost in the secular world at the time. After 15 years in the clergy - you seemed to be without direction in the real world. You said you wanted me - I felt it was my duty to help you. In the end, you resented that I guess.

You stole my life for a decade - and then you call me the thief - the purloined future still looming in the background...


Now you've found "the one" and you toss me away like last week's pizza box - trying to crush the shape of my soul flat. Well, I've got some news for you - you will never keep me down - no matter how much you try to pilfer from my spirit.

Latch on tightly to what you've stolen - the other side of Love will return to haunt you. You have foredoomed yourself.

In my fifty-five years of life, I can safely say that I have never actually hated anyone until now. You've taught me that - be proud of yourself.

Gloaming Time

He reminds me of a beautiful wild animal that's been wounded - yet he lets me touch and soothe him - it tingles... for some reason he reads my intent as true - it is. He knows my compassion is real... His spirit healing deliberately.

He knows I'd never hurt or treat him badly - like the others. I read the contemplation in his eyes... The trust grows slowly, substantially.

Everywhere I go - he wants to be. He always wants me near. I love that he feels the need to be close, the energy surrounding us is like almost fulfilling a prophecy and I want him so badly it aches - but still I hesitate at making the move. I need it to come from him...

Fa-la-fucking-la-la-la-la-la...

Winter Solstice Today... [:::]

It doesn't feel much like the holidays for me this year. It hasn't for a few...

The lawyer appointment is set for tomorrow morning, and I've not been sleeping very well at all.

It's snowing like a bastard now - so no work today. Thank gawd I'm even alive - after that drunken ride on the icy roads last night. The mountain pass was just horrible. A few trees got a little too close to the old tank... Surprisingly we didn't end up in a fucking snow ditch or down an embankment. I should have just tackled him and taken the fucking keys. That Fucker.

I met a few good people at the watering hole anyway - we played baseball darts. It was a nice diversion while waiting for the D-Man to get back to the bar, so I could throw his drunken ass into the car and take the detour back to this place that I used to call home - or 'Hell Hole' as we now know it.

Not much to look forward to... but then again, what else is new?

Saturday Night Was Allright

It snowed...

I stayed on the mountain last night - slept in the big bed alone.

3:30 AM Thomas calls and wakes me to tell me how excited he is, as the date draws near for him to bring his new love here from Africa... I'm happy for him - wishing it all turns out like a romantic fairy tale.

I hate to cut the conversation short as I tell him I must be at work at 8:00 AM - and we talk for 45 minutes more...

Journey blasts from the boom box as I cook omelettes & home fries - then JR calls, and the world almost seems right once again...

...but not for long.

Morning Ecstasy

Why can't things ever be simple?

Falling in love can be classed among these "things" that never are simple. A simple thing is the first brushstroke to the canvas - then it becomes complex...

After that initial brushstroke - that's when the form & color explode.

...and as compared to life, the intricacies erupt - in vivid flowing connected timelines - beating a path towards the ultimate finale.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, "Art is never finished, only abandoned." Now it seems I know what he means - and so it is with Life & Love.

Please, clue me in...

I saw Fucker for Thanksgiving. He invited me to his house for the feast with his family. It was a great time, and I thank him from the bottom of my heart. We've remained close friends through all this. He knows my story - without the latest twisting developments.

Last night was the topper...

Now it's time to follow my Heart.

Singled Out

I still can feel it - after a year.
That passion - the ecstasy - and yes, the pain that comes along after the fast and furious ride. Longing to be in your arms again. Holding you tight.

I will always love you. Nothing reserved from this side.
Full out and blazing hot - the way it should be.

It would be amazing to see you again.
Bring me back to life Fucker...
I pray that one day it can be... Perhaps tonight.

Until then I'll be "The Actor".

Con todo mi cariño.

Surprise, Surprise...

I got the job!!!
OMG...

They loved the proposal... and that dinner.

What a shock!
Sister Sorrow was right. Thanks Sis.
;o)

Substitution Tag Team

I knew I should have taken a break for a while...

Treated myself to something new...

Or gone off on that trip with Fucker for a few weeks - but I decided to go on looking for a job. Still no luck. It would have been too easy to run away from all the responsibilities...

Fucker's gone ramble camping in his new camper, so I won't be seeing him anytime soon. What I will be seeing though, is Butch's new boyfriend, coming out of the bedroom that Butch & I used to share - until last week - I moved down the hall. I feel like last week's garbage.

It's a bit hard, and I can handle it (I think) but it still hurts nonetheless. It's good to see him happy again - and it brings back memories of when we first got together. The worst part is the "exclusiveness". The new guy is pretty fucking gorgeous too. I can see now why Butch wanted to leave me on the sidelines - drop me like a hot potato. I hope he's got what he wants now. We all get along just fine (so far) and it is very interesting to say the least. I hope they won't mind if I bring someone home to stay one night or...

I'm always up for a new adventure. Something's brewing, I can feel it.

I can't say I'm young yet - but I will get over it.
Wish me Luck...

Fucker's Firs: The Healing Process Begins

There's a post - way down deep inside that's been trying to claw it's way out for the past week. I haven't been able to set it free yet - so maybe I'll try writing 'about' the way I feel about it. People say that in the telling of an importunate episode - it makes one feel better, and I imagine that to be true in most instances. However, I can't imagine "feeling better" at this point...

Late last evening I watched the nearly full moon through the beautiful fir trees at Fucker's House. It gave me an inexplicable feeling that touched my soul - kind of like contentment or the reassuring knowledge that everything was going to be alright.

He was kind enough to take me in and listen to my woeful ballad - and offered me some great advice and solace - what a wonderful friend I've gained from all this. I couldn't imagine anyone hurting this gorgeous man - it seemed unthinkable to me. He's been through the dishonesty and despair of a shattered relationship - and from the way he relays it, seems like it's still a very real and relevant part of his life. I could still see the hurt in his eyes as he told me - years afterward - of the betrayal of trust by his lover.

I did the same... revealing all to him about my life - standing naked before him as he did for me. We held on to each other in the glistening moonlight - two old souls in a sea of new instance - and he made me feel so secure, as I haven't - for too long now. We were a perfect match for the timing...

The disparaging feelings of loss, failing a relationship and insufficiency might be something that not everyone can overcome, but goddam it I'm going to try. I have to get over this. I refuse to let it poison me or what I believe in...

I suppose I knew Butch and I were done a few years back, but reluctant to address the issue, I went on as if there was none. This is wrong. If you should find yourself in a situation like this - fight it with every weapon in the arsenal you can muster up. Don't let it go on unaddressed. Unless you want to face the unscrupulous results.

Instead, I attempted meagerly to throw hints about in order to start a discussion - but they always fell on deaf ears - without result. I should have taken and shaken the truth out of him, demanded that he talk to me - but I've always been of the mind: open to discourse if you feel like engaging me. That doesn't always work - a thing I've learned in hindsight, unfortunately.

Then, of course I tried to hit him with the same force that he dealt me: I went out and found someone like he did. I knew from the start that this could never have worked - it was always Butch that I wanted. Still, I found a kindred soul in Fucker - and one very good friend in the process. I'm thankful and blessed for that.

Seems we always know better after the fact...

"EVERGREEN" - The Black Crowes

A song ease your lonely
Let my words take your hand
Let me kiss your rose pedals for you and golden van
Let me point out the birds that fly only for you
And I will do anything that you want me to

Evergreen, evergreen, prettiest thing I'd ever seen
Come and steer away with me by the moonlight

When playing my garden come and dance in my rain
Come make love in the sunshine
Come lets share our pain
Come fly thru this darkness
To be right by my side
And lets walk right thru the door
Just to see whats inside

Evergreen, evergreen, prettiest thing I'd ever seen
Come and steer away with me by the moonlight

Show me the way
With the words that you say
With the light of love
And the light of your love

Evergreen, evergreen, prettiest thing I'd ever seen
Come and steer away with me by the moonlight

You Never Wanted Me

Lyrics | You Never Wanted Me lyrics

I can't find the above song so here's
Another that says what it must... "Farewell, Farewell"

Written by Richard Thompson to the tune of Willie O' Winsbury. The voice is Sandy Denny. From the Fairport's "Liege & Lief" album 1969.

Lyrics:

Farewell, farewell to you who would hear
You lonely travellers all
The cold north winds will blow again
The winding road does call.

And you will never return to see
Your bruised and beaten sons
O I would,I would if welcome I were
For they loathe me every one.

And will you never cut the cloth
Or drink the light to be
And can you never swear a year
To anyone but we.

No I will never cut the cloth
Nor drink the light to be
But I'll swear a year to the one who lies
Asleep alongside of me

I Died A Bit Inside Today...

The End - A Beginning... Remember and Forget. Love and be lonely.

Endymion

THE RISING moon has hid the stars;

Her level rays, like golden bars,

Lie on the landscape green,

With shadows brown between.

And silver white the river gleams,

As if Diana, in her dreams,

Had dropt her silver bow

Upon the meadows low.

On such a tranquil night as this,

She woke Endymion with a kiss,

When, sleeping in the grove,

He dreamed not of her love.

Like Dian's kiss, unasked, unsought,

Love gives itself, but is not bought;

Nor voice, nor sound betrays

Its deep, impassioned gaze.

It comes, - the beautiful, the free,

The crown of all humanity, -

In silence and alone

To seek the elected one.

It lifts the boughs, whose shadows deep

Are Life's oblivion, the soul's sleep,

And kisses the closed eyes

Of him who slumbering lies.

O weary hearts! O slumbering eyes!

O drooping souls, whose destinies

Are fraught with fear and pain,

Ye shall be loved again!

No one is so accursed by fate,

No one so utterly desolate,

But some heart, though unknown,

Responds unto his own.

Responds, - as if with unseen wings,

An angel touched its quivering strings;

And whispers, in its song,

    "Where hast thou stayed so long?"

(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)