The Thousandth Man

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it's worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine nundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin' you.

'Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show
Will settle the finding for 'ee.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em go
By your looks, or your acts, or your glory.
But if he finds you and you find him.
The rest of the world don't matter;
For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim
With you in any water.

You can use his purse with no more talk
Than he uses yours for his spendings,
And laugh and meet in your daily walk
As though there had been no lendings.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em call
For silver and gold in their dealings;
But the Thousandth Man he's worth 'em all,
Because you can show him your feelings.

His wrong's your wrong, and his right's your right,
In season or out of season.
Stand up and back it in all men's sight --
With that for your only reason!
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can't bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot -- and after!

-Rudyard Kipling

A New Chapter Begins... Two Men & A Cat

Finally freed Mooch (my cat) from the clutches of Count Dracula & Count Chocula today. He's here with D-Man & me at the new place. I don't understand why they kept him, really - since they say they are both allergic to cats. It's just mind boggling to me. Holding a cat for ransom...

I still have the futon (which I'm sleeping on) and which they are trying to lay claim to. They have my bed, so... fair trade, as far as I'm concerned. The nerve of some people...

I must return to Castle Dracula one more time to get my upright bass, congas, paintings, art materials and some other personal items.

I wonder if they'll let me take my things - or if they'll say they belong to them.

Drac gave me a list of things that he wants returned - he says they are his, but he knows differently. He's turned into such a lying bastard lately. It's really sad to see what he's become. He called me "irresponsible" and "negligent" in his last phone message. Strangely, although it's not humorous in the least, I got a big laugh out of that. What a putz. At least I got my pussy...

Bear - Faced to Bare - Faced

He shaved his Grizzly Adams completely off... and it's a shock to see him baby-faced as compared to Bear-Faced.

Still as gorgeous as ever - I want him close - breathing on my neck.

Taking off back up the mountain before the storm - I wonder if I should have asked him along to spend the night...

Gloaming Time

He reminds me of a beautiful wild animal that's been wounded - yet he lets me touch and soothe him - it tingles... for some reason he reads my intent as true - it is. He knows my compassion is real... His spirit healing deliberately.

He knows I'd never hurt or treat him badly - like the others. I read the contemplation in his eyes... The trust grows slowly, substantially.

Everywhere I go - he wants to be. He always wants me near. I love that he feels the need to be close, the energy surrounding us is like almost fulfilling a prophecy and I want him so badly it aches - but still I hesitate at making the move. I need it to come from him...

Whirling Dervish Dreams

JR won't talk to me. Fine & Dandy.
He's pissed off because I can't see him tonight. I don't need any more drama in my life. There's too much happening all at once.

Just made an appointment with the lawyer for Dec 22 - just in time for the Holidaze - Bah-Humbug. The "X" will probably be pissed off at me also, as he wanted this settled by Friday. Too Bad. I refuse to be rushed into anything that may jeopardize my future without knowing all my rights.

They have been very abrasive towards me - removing internet access and many of my personal effects to gawd knows where - which they have no right to do.

I Will Not Play These Games...

Morning Ecstasy

Why can't things ever be simple?

Falling in love can be classed among these "things" that never are simple. A simple thing is the first brushstroke to the canvas - then it becomes complex...

After that initial brushstroke - that's when the form & color explode.

...and as compared to life, the intricacies erupt - in vivid flowing connected timelines - beating a path towards the ultimate finale.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, "Art is never finished, only abandoned." Now it seems I know what he means - and so it is with Life & Love.

Please, clue me in...

I saw Fucker for Thanksgiving. He invited me to his house for the feast with his family. It was a great time, and I thank him from the bottom of my heart. We've remained close friends through all this. He knows my story - without the latest twisting developments.

Last night was the topper...

Now it's time to follow my Heart.

The Power Of Love Is Infinite

...at least that's what the tea leaves read.
...and yes, I'm still working on it - it's always a work in progress.

An hour and a half massage to a twisted nerve in the neck and shoulder can reveal a few things about someone's desires - and what a hunky bantam bastard he is! He does remind me of a rooster - all puffed up and tuff like he tries to come off - but with me - he shows his tender side. I stroke his long gorgeous hair to the front of his furry chest and explore his muscular and compact shoulders, rubbing that spot that makes him groan with relief in that gruff-sexy voice. The whole damn ritual of it turns me on wildly as I cajole my throbber on his back ever so lightly - and he likes it as much as I do... It just seems that I always get myself into these situations, and I don't know how or why that happens.

I often wonder why these guys like me - enough to trust me with their true feelings. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining - I quite enjoy every second of this sport. "Straight" tough guys, questioning their views on sex with another guy - it can be very rewarding or even dangerous - and I'm still hoping that it will be the former for us.

He's the great outdoorsy type. He wants me to go camping with him. I half-joke and say we'll only need one sleeping bag because it's so cold. He nods in agreement...

I know I could take him to all those wonderful places that he's never been before - if he'd only let me.

Trust is earned...
Time will tell - I'm a patient man.

"Wherever Love is, I want to be.
I will follow it as surely as
the land-locked salmon finds the sea."

Happy New Year - Atonement

Being of Celtic origin, this is the spiritual time of year for me - that time when I take a few moments to reflect and "regroup" my way of doing things or even how I think about things. It's usually an uplifting experience for me.



I hope everyone had a great Hallowe'en - I had a visit from a Benevolent Spirit yesterday, at a time when I was feeling lost and helpless... It was a moment of self-realization for me - and I thank the Spirits that watch out for me.



PEACE & LOVE

Under Pressure

So now they're trying to push me out of my own house...

"Sign the paper."

I don't deal well with this type of pressure.
They say I'm holding up "progress". Progress for their relationship. I say, I've got a lot invested in this place. It was my future... They stole it from me.

...and on such short notice, I've got to have some time to plan what's ahead for me. Of course, they don't see it that way.

I'll go when I'm ready.
They can all kiss my ass...

Out Damn Spot...

I'm so glad that's out of my system... Now I can start CLEAN.

There's nothing like a clean slate - chalk is cheap...

Right Einstein?

(click the title of this post to make your own message)

Heartbroken and Happy

Could it possibly be any more confusing?

Guess I'm a bit more affected than I thought I'd be by the "split"...

I find I'm a bit more emotional than usual. Tears start at the drop of a hat - for no reason sometimes. It's like someone died or something (heaven forbid). After all, I thought we were finally getting back together when I received an e-mail "date" from Butch, and we commenced with some awesome rough sex - probably one of the best sessions of our now defunct relationship, but as it turns out - it was only a goodbye fuck... What a bringdown.

Butch's new BF is awesome, let's call him Woofer. Woofer is a big muscular black bear and he's always touching and hugging me. I Love it. If I was a bitter queen, I'd steal Woofer away, but since we're both "pitchers"... I don't think that would work out very well. I'm not about to give up my position anytime soon - and I don't think he is either.

We went out to the club the other night and Butch and Woofer got pretty loaded. I ended up driving them home. While they were participating in the Karaoke competition, I stepped out for a breather, and met a guy named Sean who came on strong to me. I explained to him that I was also a 'topper' - so he immediately started pointing out "awesome bottoms" for me to choose from. It seemed we were instant "hunt brothers", and I was glad for the company. After a bit of that, he told me that two of his ex-lovers were in the bar on this particular night. He was upset and a bit inebriated. I listened to the rest of his story, and he wanted to know more about me, so...

I told him that I was there with my ex-lover and his new boyfriend and that it was a brand new relationship, and that we had attended a friend's birthday party earlier in the day, and decided to stop at the club on the way home. Butch and Woofer came out of the club, and I said, "Oh, there they are." and motioned for them to come over to meet Sean. They just walked away holding hands, as Woofer turned and winked at me - so Sean and I talked a few more minutes.

He sensed I was a bit down about it, and wanted to stir up some trouble at that point. I thought I succeeded in calming him down a bit. He went back inside and I continued to stand out by the lake enjoying the moonlight. I went back inside to the upstairs bar where dancing and heavy cruising were in vogue.

I stepped out again later, and I saw Sean with someone in tow. I said goodnight, and the other one started talking to me - asking which one was my ex. When I told him, he went on about how terrible Butch was - and that I should drive away and leave them there. He'd said he knew Butch from the bar and that he'd been with him a few times before. This blew my mind because I hadn't mentioned my ex's name - but this guy knew it! I thought to myself no wonder Butch never wanted to go there with me before - this was his playground!

I've found that one can learn a lot from a simple night out... Maybe it's time for me to start going out again...

Fucker's Firs: The Healing Process Begins

There's a post - way down deep inside that's been trying to claw it's way out for the past week. I haven't been able to set it free yet - so maybe I'll try writing 'about' the way I feel about it. People say that in the telling of an importunate episode - it makes one feel better, and I imagine that to be true in most instances. However, I can't imagine "feeling better" at this point...

Late last evening I watched the nearly full moon through the beautiful fir trees at Fucker's House. It gave me an inexplicable feeling that touched my soul - kind of like contentment or the reassuring knowledge that everything was going to be alright.

He was kind enough to take me in and listen to my woeful ballad - and offered me some great advice and solace - what a wonderful friend I've gained from all this. I couldn't imagine anyone hurting this gorgeous man - it seemed unthinkable to me. He's been through the dishonesty and despair of a shattered relationship - and from the way he relays it, seems like it's still a very real and relevant part of his life. I could still see the hurt in his eyes as he told me - years afterward - of the betrayal of trust by his lover.

I did the same... revealing all to him about my life - standing naked before him as he did for me. We held on to each other in the glistening moonlight - two old souls in a sea of new instance - and he made me feel so secure, as I haven't - for too long now. We were a perfect match for the timing...

The disparaging feelings of loss, failing a relationship and insufficiency might be something that not everyone can overcome, but goddam it I'm going to try. I have to get over this. I refuse to let it poison me or what I believe in...

I suppose I knew Butch and I were done a few years back, but reluctant to address the issue, I went on as if there was none. This is wrong. If you should find yourself in a situation like this - fight it with every weapon in the arsenal you can muster up. Don't let it go on unaddressed. Unless you want to face the unscrupulous results.

Instead, I attempted meagerly to throw hints about in order to start a discussion - but they always fell on deaf ears - without result. I should have taken and shaken the truth out of him, demanded that he talk to me - but I've always been of the mind: open to discourse if you feel like engaging me. That doesn't always work - a thing I've learned in hindsight, unfortunately.

Then, of course I tried to hit him with the same force that he dealt me: I went out and found someone like he did. I knew from the start that this could never have worked - it was always Butch that I wanted. Still, I found a kindred soul in Fucker - and one very good friend in the process. I'm thankful and blessed for that.

Seems we always know better after the fact...

"EVERGREEN" - The Black Crowes

A song ease your lonely
Let my words take your hand
Let me kiss your rose pedals for you and golden van
Let me point out the birds that fly only for you
And I will do anything that you want me to

Evergreen, evergreen, prettiest thing I'd ever seen
Come and steer away with me by the moonlight

When playing my garden come and dance in my rain
Come make love in the sunshine
Come lets share our pain
Come fly thru this darkness
To be right by my side
And lets walk right thru the door
Just to see whats inside

Evergreen, evergreen, prettiest thing I'd ever seen
Come and steer away with me by the moonlight

Show me the way
With the words that you say
With the light of love
And the light of your love

Evergreen, evergreen, prettiest thing I'd ever seen
Come and steer away with me by the moonlight

Festive Litha

LITHA (Summer Solstice, June 20-23, dependent on actual astronomical event)

Held on the longest day of the year, the Solstice is the celebration of lights triumph over darkness and that of the bountiful beauty that light brings into life. Flowers are common in the circle, roses and bright cheerful wildflowers are upon the altar and usually worn by all. It is the changing point of the year, and the celebration of the spiral dance of the year is common among Wiccans. It a celebration with much joy, and much feasting. Many Wiccans will attire themselves in bright colours and equally bright adornments of flowers. Usual food fare may include honeycakes or cornbread. Litha is not celebrated by all sects nor in the same way.

We celebrated Midsummer Day (St John's Eve) yesterday at Columcille.

It was a grand occasion with all the stops pulled out. I wish I had brought my camera along - there were so many colorful people there.

First off, let me tell you how hard it is to convince an ex-Priest that he would have a ton of fun at a Pagan Solstice Festival... LOL.

Finally, he went for it and we got there a bit late - just in time to see NNDT.

My favorite performance of the day would be hard to pick...

• Native Nations Dance Theater was pretty awesome.

Delwin played the flute at the top of the mountain. (pictured above left) Man, it sounded incredible. It brought the whole vibe together.

I wish my Son would have been able to come along so he could have seen some of his heritage in action. The Hoop Dance was very involved and totally inspiring and also Drew's Prairie Chicken Dance (pictured on the right). This performance lit the flame of the Solstice for me.

The Lady who narrated (I think her name was Vaughnda) was very keen to present a concise history of the dances and what they represented. It was marvelous.

• Vicki Doney — Her beautiful voice followed us through the park as we left the circle of stones to explore the wondrous nature of the park at the edge of the Appalachian Trail...

• Next up was Circle of Stones Ritual Theater - also truly awesome.

• Jack McGavin did his two-tone chanting with the shruti box while I meditated - Butch thought I was crazy, but I didn't care. ;o)

The day was magical - especially in the beautiful setting of Columcille. Butch and I wandered off a few times to visit the megalith formations. I thought of Sister Sorrow as I walked the Labyrinth.

I'll make my way back up there again soon and take some pictures...

Happy Jāņi Everyone.

शांति
इंद्रधनु राक्षस


Link: Pocono Record Article - Celebrating Summer
**note: If you read the comments in the newspaper article, it will remind you that some people are just never satisfied unless they can feel superior to others.

Supreme Court of California says it's on...

I NEED A Little Laugh Today So...

'Springtime For Hitler'
from "The Producers"

There now... that cheered me up a bit. Hope you like...

...and well, I couldn't resist...
Here's the original version from 1968:

Triad

(Jefferson Airplane Version)
(CSN & Y Version)
Lyrics by David Crosby

...

You want to know how it will be

Me and him / her or you and me

You both sit there with your long hair flowing
Your eyes alive, your minds are still growing
Saying to me what can we do now that we
Both love you -- I love you too
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three

You are afraid, embarrased too, no one has ever (in your sweet short life child)
Said such a thing to you
Your mother's ghost stands at you shoulder
Got a face like ice -- just a little colder
Saying you can not do that it breaks all the rules
You learned in school
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as mmm three

You know we love each other it's plain to see
There's just one answer comes to me
Sister lovers -- (some of you must know about)
water brothers
And in time maybe others
So you see what we can do
Is to try something new - that is if you're crazy too
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three
...

Cardinal Knowledge

Friday was like a dream for me - I'm still in the clouds. Fucker came by on his silver stallion (GMC) and swooped me off my feet. We were in heaven for a few hours. He bought me 'birthday' dinner and the whole time I was sitting across the table from him I wanted to jump over and tag him. He's so gorgeous, I get so excited thinking about it even now.

Savoring every moment we had together, we went through the motions of what might be everyday routine in perfect harmony - like it was always meant to be... He wanted to take me for a ride in his new Jeep. We headed off to the farm and picked it up... We both loved every second of the trip. Except when he had to bring me back...

Man, he's got me bad. I'm hopelessly hooked. Last time I saw him was the beginning of November last year. We missed the holidays with each other, and I missed his birthday and he missed mine - but I gave him his presents on Friday. That's too fucking long - but I'm not complaining. I'll wait as long as it takes... He's the one.

He told me a beautiful personal story about a cardinal. I was on the verge... The next day, one flew over my head while I was outside planting. I watched as he landed on the tree across the street. I listened to the singing - so beautiful - and then my phone rang. It was Fucker on the other end... My Gorgeous Fucker. I'm still so unbelievably high. I wish I could feel him next to me now...

Sufi Moment:
Every heartbeat creates a new miracle.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Me...

Right...

What does it tell you when your partner forgets your Birthday, and your ex-wife calls to wish you a happy one? Well, I guess it tells me that I should be off to see the Wizard. Follow the Yellow Brick Road, fool.

Why even the local radio station sent me an e-mail to wish me a happy birthday - wait, now I just got one from KFOG in San Francisco... Shit, they even got Chris Isaak to sing to me... damn. Thanks ladies & guys...

What song is on the radio?
"I Can See Clearly Now" - Jimmy Cliff ...thanks again KFOG.
I love that station.

I'm not going to feel down about it, after all he never mentioned our anniversary either - so I guess I can take a hint. It's been almost 9 years now that we've been together - I guess there really is something to be said about "The Seven Year Itch". I'll be burning a candle to help me see the pathway.

Here's a little tercet I've written
Just to commemorate this occasion:

At the end, there is always a new beginning...
Head held high and shoulders back
I'm off and on - no beaten track... Often...

Now, where the hell are those Poppies?

इम्पोस्सिब्ली Impossibly त्रिंगुलातेद Triangulated तवो त्रिनितिएस

.................................................

Thanks for being there - somewhere

I thought I'd go mad - not having seen or heard. Feeling so helpless - thought you were lost to me. Que sera they say. They don't know you.

Then that voice on the other end of the phone in dulcet tones, calming my spirit like it always does. The electrons keeping me warm inside from the cold bitterness that once was passion - long ago. Still living with it - it seems like lifetimes away.

I'd almost forgotten all that - until you - one can grow used to the coldness without knowing. I'm absolutely mad for you - you have to know. How could you not? I know you feel it. Sure, I'll play it down on the outside - but it's raging in here. Torrid sun-surface melting.

All I think and feel hangs in the distance - balanced on a beam of light. It might as well be light years... hurry up and wait. Soon...