The Thousandth Man

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it's worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine nundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin' you.

'Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show
Will settle the finding for 'ee.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em go
By your looks, or your acts, or your glory.
But if he finds you and you find him.
The rest of the world don't matter;
For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim
With you in any water.

You can use his purse with no more talk
Than he uses yours for his spendings,
And laugh and meet in your daily walk
As though there had been no lendings.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em call
For silver and gold in their dealings;
But the Thousandth Man he's worth 'em all,
Because you can show him your feelings.

His wrong's your wrong, and his right's your right,
In season or out of season.
Stand up and back it in all men's sight --
With that for your only reason!
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can't bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot -- and after!

-Rudyard Kipling

A New Chapter Begins... Two Men & A Cat

Finally freed Mooch (my cat) from the clutches of Count Dracula & Count Chocula today. He's here with D-Man & me at the new place. I don't understand why they kept him, really - since they say they are both allergic to cats. It's just mind boggling to me. Holding a cat for ransom...

I still have the futon (which I'm sleeping on) and which they are trying to lay claim to. They have my bed, so... fair trade, as far as I'm concerned. The nerve of some people...

I must return to Castle Dracula one more time to get my upright bass, congas, paintings, art materials and some other personal items.

I wonder if they'll let me take my things - or if they'll say they belong to them.

Drac gave me a list of things that he wants returned - he says they are his, but he knows differently. He's turned into such a lying bastard lately. It's really sad to see what he's become. He called me "irresponsible" and "negligent" in his last phone message. Strangely, although it's not humorous in the least, I got a big laugh out of that. What a putz. At least I got my pussy...

...as the ides come marching in...

Sorry I haven't been updating lately - so much has been happening...
Moving... working...

There never seems to be enough time.
Latest developments in the ongoing saga:

They want to play games it seems.

I went to the old house today to get my cat and a few personal items, but the locks were changed. I then went directly to the police department - where they told me in no uncertain terms - that I have the right as the homeowner to break into my own house.

I will be doing this tomorrow... and if either one gives me a hard time - I will direct the police officers to kindly escort the "gentleman" who has been living in my house since last July O-U-T.

Ode To The Teacher "The Biggest Violin"

I never realized the scope of your hatred - how much you despised me. I suppose the truth had to come out sometime. Although you tried your damnedest, emotions that intense can never be completely hidden.

But, what I will never understand is whatever the reason could have been. I should have remained just a trick to you. Some kind of "rough trade" for your carnal pleasure. Perhaps then, things could be different now.

But no - I had to become involved... I felt sorry for you - you seemed lost in the secular world at the time. After 15 years in the clergy - you seemed to be without direction in the real world. You said you wanted me - I felt it was my duty to help you. In the end, you resented that I guess.

You stole my life for a decade - and then you call me the thief - the purloined future still looming in the background...


Now you've found "the one" and you toss me away like last week's pizza box - trying to crush the shape of my soul flat. Well, I've got some news for you - you will never keep me down - no matter how much you try to pilfer from my spirit.

Latch on tightly to what you've stolen - the other side of Love will return to haunt you. You have foredoomed yourself.

In my fifty-five years of life, I can safely say that I have never actually hated anyone until now. You've taught me that - be proud of yourself.

Bear - Faced to Bare - Faced

He shaved his Grizzly Adams completely off... and it's a shock to see him baby-faced as compared to Bear-Faced.

Still as gorgeous as ever - I want him close - breathing on my neck.

Taking off back up the mountain before the storm - I wonder if I should have asked him along to spend the night...

Gloaming Time

He reminds me of a beautiful wild animal that's been wounded - yet he lets me touch and soothe him - it tingles... for some reason he reads my intent as true - it is. He knows my compassion is real... His spirit healing deliberately.

He knows I'd never hurt or treat him badly - like the others. I read the contemplation in his eyes... The trust grows slowly, substantially.

Everywhere I go - he wants to be. He always wants me near. I love that he feels the need to be close, the energy surrounding us is like almost fulfilling a prophecy and I want him so badly it aches - but still I hesitate at making the move. I need it to come from him...

2008 in Review...

Merry Christmas

Thanks Cosa.

Merry Christmas to all...

• A Hawaiian Christmas Carol

Fa-la-fucking-la-la-la-la-la...

Winter Solstice Today... [:::]

It doesn't feel much like the holidays for me this year. It hasn't for a few...

The lawyer appointment is set for tomorrow morning, and I've not been sleeping very well at all.

It's snowing like a bastard now - so no work today. Thank gawd I'm even alive - after that drunken ride on the icy roads last night. The mountain pass was just horrible. A few trees got a little too close to the old tank... Surprisingly we didn't end up in a fucking snow ditch or down an embankment. I should have just tackled him and taken the fucking keys. That Fucker.

I met a few good people at the watering hole anyway - we played baseball darts. It was a nice diversion while waiting for the D-Man to get back to the bar, so I could throw his drunken ass into the car and take the detour back to this place that I used to call home - or 'Hell Hole' as we now know it.

Not much to look forward to... but then again, what else is new?

Whirling Dervish Dreams

JR won't talk to me. Fine & Dandy.
He's pissed off because I can't see him tonight. I don't need any more drama in my life. There's too much happening all at once.

Just made an appointment with the lawyer for Dec 22 - just in time for the Holidaze - Bah-Humbug. The "X" will probably be pissed off at me also, as he wanted this settled by Friday. Too Bad. I refuse to be rushed into anything that may jeopardize my future without knowing all my rights.

They have been very abrasive towards me - removing internet access and many of my personal effects to gawd knows where - which they have no right to do.

I Will Not Play These Games...

Saturday Night Was Allright

It snowed...

I stayed on the mountain last night - slept in the big bed alone.

3:30 AM Thomas calls and wakes me to tell me how excited he is, as the date draws near for him to bring his new love here from Africa... I'm happy for him - wishing it all turns out like a romantic fairy tale.

I hate to cut the conversation short as I tell him I must be at work at 8:00 AM - and we talk for 45 minutes more...

Journey blasts from the boom box as I cook omelettes & home fries - then JR calls, and the world almost seems right once again...

...but not for long.

No Compass

Feeling lost, alone I try to find the path again - no markers to behold - nothing to connect with to find the way.

If only I had listened to her...
She said it would be difficult.
I agreed in theory, but let it slip past comprehension, thinking I could handle whatever life happened to throw my way.

Never expected the boomerang...

Morning Ecstasy

Why can't things ever be simple?

Falling in love can be classed among these "things" that never are simple. A simple thing is the first brushstroke to the canvas - then it becomes complex...

After that initial brushstroke - that's when the form & color explode.

...and as compared to life, the intricacies erupt - in vivid flowing connected timelines - beating a path towards the ultimate finale.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, "Art is never finished, only abandoned." Now it seems I know what he means - and so it is with Life & Love.

Please, clue me in...

I saw Fucker for Thanksgiving. He invited me to his house for the feast with his family. It was a great time, and I thank him from the bottom of my heart. We've remained close friends through all this. He knows my story - without the latest twisting developments.

Last night was the topper...

Now it's time to follow my Heart.

The Power Of Love Is Infinite

...at least that's what the tea leaves read.
...and yes, I'm still working on it - it's always a work in progress.

An hour and a half massage to a twisted nerve in the neck and shoulder can reveal a few things about someone's desires - and what a hunky bantam bastard he is! He does remind me of a rooster - all puffed up and tuff like he tries to come off - but with me - he shows his tender side. I stroke his long gorgeous hair to the front of his furry chest and explore his muscular and compact shoulders, rubbing that spot that makes him groan with relief in that gruff-sexy voice. The whole damn ritual of it turns me on wildly as I cajole my throbber on his back ever so lightly - and he likes it as much as I do... It just seems that I always get myself into these situations, and I don't know how or why that happens.

I often wonder why these guys like me - enough to trust me with their true feelings. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining - I quite enjoy every second of this sport. "Straight" tough guys, questioning their views on sex with another guy - it can be very rewarding or even dangerous - and I'm still hoping that it will be the former for us.

He's the great outdoorsy type. He wants me to go camping with him. I half-joke and say we'll only need one sleeping bag because it's so cold. He nods in agreement...

I know I could take him to all those wonderful places that he's never been before - if he'd only let me.

Trust is earned...
Time will tell - I'm a patient man.

"Wherever Love is, I want to be.
I will follow it as surely as
the land-locked salmon finds the sea."

Singled Out

I still can feel it - after a year.
That passion - the ecstasy - and yes, the pain that comes along after the fast and furious ride. Longing to be in your arms again. Holding you tight.

I will always love you. Nothing reserved from this side.
Full out and blazing hot - the way it should be.

It would be amazing to see you again.
Bring me back to life Fucker...
I pray that one day it can be... Perhaps tonight.

Until then I'll be "The Actor".

Con todo mi cariño.