Wednesday, October 31, 2007

My Sacred Places: कोलुम्सिल्ले

Today, just after noon I took some personal time for reflection. Thank The Old Ones for providing a Sacred Space nearby for much needed meditation and reflection. I needed to get back in tune using my harmonics which were barely audible within me, at this point. I don't know why I've waited so long to do this, but I now know it's happened just at the right time.
The 'nick' if you will...

When I got home I lit the Dreamcatcher Candle near Greenman and offered my collection for the New Year.
3 simple leaves and an acorn shell.
The symbol of Tetragrammaton if you please...
The candle burns brightly and the scent is sweet and permeates the household.

Here are a few pictures I took along the way...

I love sharing.

You can click for the big pic...

As the wind was answering my questions walking along the paths, I took it all in... the energy of the Earth & Sky before me, and the melody within myself which harmonized without. Hawks & Crows soaring on the last Autumn breezes. I found my answers in the falling leaves... The Trees still proud before me, baring limbs receding... [:::]

I have no one to blame but myself for letting this happen to me.

Things may have happened to me - terrible things - things from my past which will forever haunt me, things that were done to me because of hate, greed, jealousy, and all the other negatives that may be encountered; but it was all due to my own reactions to these negatives, that I lost my way.

I will remember not to let that happen again.

Thanks to my very special friend for helping me see this. You are a blessing to me. You know who you are, Beautiful One - and I'm getting reacquainted with me because of you. You helped me see what was missing in my life and recapture it for a glorious fleeting moment in time - I am forever greatful and in your debt. [:::]

The last three pictures had to do with the glowing aura I get from this place. "Thor's Gate" is the name of this spot, and it really is like St Oran said:
"The way you think it is may not be the way it is at all."
I can't remember the rest of the thought which comes after - at present, but it's equally as enlightening.

St Oran is a 'Christianization' of Merlin to me, from the time of the Book of Kells.

This was my humble offering today to the Earth & Sky...
...The Trees shimmered as I spelled out in Rocks and Acorn Shells "World Peace" not only Outer Peace but Inner Peace for all as well. Every Living Thing.

I remember St Oran's quote always when dealing with things that might be bothering me at any given moment. Maybe I just need another reference point or perspective view. I try to look at a problem I'm having from different angles to see if I will come to the same conclusion each time... [:::]

This last spot was the place I felt most at ease today. I sat down yogi style under a great fir tree on a large rock and took in the sight of Mother Nature in all her splendor at this most wonderful time of the year, tuning myself back into the sound of the Universe - not that I ever left, but it certainly felt like I finally came Home.

Happy New Year...









Saturday, October 27, 2007

Dancing with Destiny ...(Indiscriminately)

I cried down 402 last night, partly because of - what most would call - my indiscretion, but mostly because I spent the most beautiful evening of my life with my kindred spirit.

  • Midnight:
Deer went flying by on the wet road and seemed to know my mood - keeping their distance from the old Bronco; as beautifully colored wet October leaves circled down around me in the darkness and grey fog - lit only by the headlamps, as if to say we told you so - turn around you fool, before it's too late.

  • Looking Through Tears' Prism:
Even though you have reassured me to the contrary - I fear I'm out of my league with You, my Sweet Fucker. You have become my Fabulous Absolute... The one I've seen in that dream. Finally holding you after all these years it has become incontrovertibly clear...

I'm here for you should you need me.
Sweet Fucker.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Kissing Bad Karma Away...

I was getting ready to leave when I saw you get out of your truck and walk towards me - and I thought to myself what a fine Fucker you were... Beautiful. You stood by my window for a moment, smiling that gorgeous smile of yours with a twinkle in your delightfully ravishing blue eyes - and then you spoke my name...

I melted in my seat for a instant. Then I got out of my truck to greet you and said, "Hell, let me give you a hug, Fucker." I squeezed you tight against me, and I was hooked as soon as our beards brushed. That warmth I will always remember
- meeting you.

I heard you say under your breath "Oh Fuck Yes..." My heart skipped a beat or two and I beamed at your emphatic approval - and as I smelled your scent - it thrilled me to my soul. It filled me with the fervor for you instantly, then and there on the spot in that half-full Wendy's parking lot. I wanted needed a taste of you. Fuck Wendy...

I will never forget how I felt when you asked me to follow you home. Hard as a rock I obliged to go the 20 miles deep into the country. Every bump in the road was torture... Apprehension grew to suspense.

Once inside your front door, it was another world. I didn't know what to do. Then you grabbed me and planted the most passionate kiss on me, it sent shivers down my spine, and shock waves through my entire body. The most electrically charged feeling I had ever experienced in my life. I had heard others speak of this sensation, but never having experienced it for myself - I had blatantly written it off as 'romantic fiction'. What did I know...

That kiss* seemed to last forever but it was really only near half an hour long... Lips locked & wild tongues lashing at each other. (the kiss* - all future kisses will never measure up to this unless they are with you) I clutched your sweet, tight ass and pulled you closer to me. When you placed my hand on your bulging jeans, I felt you throbbing as I rubbed & grabbed you. I knew we were connected somehow ...and then... Just like lightning splits a tree, it happened...

Never did I ever - in a million years - think it could be like that. Clothes were never shed fast enough - half a jacket on, a shoe half off, belt buckle & pants undone, a torn shirt & underdrawers - with full balls for each of us; then rubbing cocks with a fury - squeezing and licking and tasting every hidden place, revealed - holding on to each other so tightly that the pain was so much ecstasy... we rode out the waves of the sex magick for hours.

So much passion unleashed. Such heat, such sexual attraction - I had never known - until you. Even breathing seemed like something new. I wanted to spend the night - hell the rest of my time with you... but it was not to be.

Taken completely by surprise - I never realized what I had been missing all these years... Totally Insane Lovemaking at its finest ever. (some would call it lust, I suppose - but I know it was more than that)...

Anytime you're ready I'm Craving more with you, Fucker.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I'll Never Be Him

I'm sitting here, dysphoric - the worst feeling I've ever had in my life...
I feel like I can never be good enough... I don't know what you want. Maybe I never did...
When we first met, I thought we could conquer the world. Such hope & dreams.
Now it seems you don't want me to be part of that world.

I'll never do anything right in your eyes...
I don't know why that is, but I'm so tired of trying to figure it out.
I can't do it anymore. I've done all I can.

I know you're not happy with me. I've known that for years.
I'll never be Him - I can't be, I'm me.
I thought you loved me. It's what you said. Was I so wrong to believe it?
Maybe for a little while you did actually love me - or was that just my bad...

It's a hard thing, knowing that someone you love can't accept you for who you are.
Someone who says he cares, but won't support you in anything you try to do.
The funny thing is, I gave up everything I had - to be with you - I have nothing now.

I don't really care about all that, but I still care about you...
When you hide behind your newspaper shield - I'm crying there on the other side.
Right across the coffeetable from you...You don't know that do you?
You've never taken the time to feel it.

Maybe you do know it. Maybe that's what you want.
Maybe you feel like you're trapped - with me - when you want someone else.
It's all my fault... I don't know... You've stopped confiding in me long ago...

I can't make it better because I don't know what's wrong - or how to fix it - or even if it can be.
Such a bitter coldness in your eyes.
I can only feel the rancorous pain of rejection and loneliness ...and what makes it worse is I don't even know the reason why.
I only know what I feel... That coldness & disdain - the worst thing I've ever felt.

When you push me away, it's the most deleterious action you could ever take with me.
Then you ask me what's wrong, and when I manage to muster the words, you won't listen to what I have to say.
It's a mother mindfucker.
I finally give up - You've won whatever it was that you wanted...

I have to move on...

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